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How to be a sexy woman

There's nothing worse then waking up in the morning, slipping out of your nighty, and walking to the bathroom only to look at the mirror and feel like you are looking into the soul of a thousand beast. Has that happened to you lately? If so, fear not no longer! Now you can learn the secret of staring back at the sexy bitch you always knew you could be! Ladies, I want you to listen, and listen good. Being sexy is not about the sex drive (though in fact, the sex drive will follow if you follow these easy steps), it's about the attitude... Or should I say, the sexitude! Next time you walk into the bathroom, try the following:

You may or may decide to strip naked at this point, either way, step in front of that mirror and stare back at yourself. Look yourself dead in the eyes.

In a very soft whisper, begin with: "Yes I can." and "I think I can." Now repeat this phrase over and over again, slowly building up the volume in your voice as you do.

Continue saying these lines and keeping your eyes locked with themselves in the mirror while you slowly lower your chin to your chest or brest as low as you can go.

Narrow your eyebrows and start to squint your eyes as if a woman squirted a small water gun in your face.

Avoid the squirt; keeping your chin lowered, cock your head to the right or left.

Keep your eyes locked.

"Yes I can." and "I think I can." - Keep saying it out loud, continue raising your voice from a hushed moan to a loud scream.

Slowly raise both hands up, pushing outward as if you are gently caressing the inner walls of a bubble (like the one you imagine they would pump you into to keep germs and piss off of you from the outside world).

Using your fingers, start twerking the air (keeping in mind, that imaginatively, you are still stuck in this germ-free bubble).

Are your eyes locked? Are you still chanting those lines? Are you fingering the air?

Keep it up! Here comes the climax!

Put your dominant foot up on it's ball, and then thrust it back down onto it's heel (all while keeping your position in front of the mirror.

Slowly, and dramatically, start to lower your hands while still feeling through the air with your dancing finger tips. While doing this, also start to lower your voice from the pleasurable scream you were surly using back in to soft, near silent whisper that passes your lips, like a quif.

Your feet stop moving, your arms are resting at your sides. You take a slow, deep breath in as you correct your posture.

Stand there now, staring back at yourself. How sexy do you feel right now? I bet from a 1 to a 10 (10 being the best), you're feeling like at least a 9. It's time to take on the world. If you stripped nude for this exercise, it is now time to put your clothes back on and venture onto this world with your new found confidence and sex appeal.

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